I Want You to Know

I feel I have to post this as a way of keeping myself accountable. I recently went with a friend to get tested for HIV and syphilis. I was extremely nervous cause I had had unprotected sex with four different men over the span of one year. Two of them claimed to love me and the other two claimed to be in "open" relationships. At first I thought I was fine since they all claimed to be clean and to be faithful. Well only one guy appears to have been honest, the other three slept around before and after I came into the picture. I am no ashamed of what I've done because I believe shame only tares a person down. But I am not proud of what I have done either. Even if a person wants to experiment and get a better sense of what they like sexually, they should honor themselves enough to use protection. Everyone has a right to have their own views on sex and how it plays into their lives but everyone should be safe regardless. Unprotected sex belongs within the confides of committed relationship where the sexual status of each partner is known by the opposite partner. Why did I do what I did? Cause I was lonely and didn't feel that I deserved better. But even I get lonely again, even if I have sex again, I deserve better than unprotected sex from two guys cheating on their boyfriends, a man I will never see again, and a man who believes in jumping on anything with an erect dick. To all the people out there who have made similar mistakes to mine... YOU DESERVE BETTER! I DESERVE BETTER! So starting now I am trying to be better to myself. I prayed for God to give me a clean slate. Today I got back my test results. I tested negative for HIV and syphilis. Apparently God has answered my prayer.