Maybe This Time

As many of you are aware my, advances with the theater department have proven unsuccessful. Not getting into plays is not the issue, I long ago got used to not being cast, my issue is the constant miscommunication. I have the hardest time trying to understand what people here want from me. I'm not even fully sure what I want necessarily. Here everyone expects me to know what I am doing and know what I want. What college freshman knows what to do and what they want!? I don't. Since when is it a crime to want to figure things out? Not only that, when I do anything wrong, people here either neglect to tell me, or they tell me I'm wrong but not why until the moment it would have been useful for me to know has past.

I sat down the other day and talked with my adviser. I told him that what I loved about the theater more than anything else was the euphoria that comes over you when you hear a round of applause. But that feeling only lasts as long as the applause does, which is an average of about ten seconds. I can't continue to be miserable for the three months it takes to put on a show and then only get to enjoy ten seconds of it. Ten seconds isn't enough. I went on to say that the theater department can't give me what I need and I can't give the theater department what it needs. I just can't be happy here.

"So what makes you happy?" he asked. I told him: "Writing, singing and cooking, but I would never do cooking as profession cause that would take all the fun out of it."

The next day I went down to the registrar's office, dropped my theater major, changed my writing minor to a writing major, and added on a music minor.

Once I had finished all of my finals, I went to pick up my essays from my writing professor. Not only did he give me all A's, but he liked my essays so much that he wanted to submit me to be featured in the academic showcase at the end of the year. If that weren't fantastic enough, I went and talked to the head of the music department about my minor. I told him about my aspirations as a singer and song writer and he even asked to hear some of my songs. Liking where I was going, he signed me up for private voice lessons for next term. I couldn't believe it. The first time I've been happy where it hasn't lasted just a few hours, was from me simply doing what I like best.

It's getting better round here, and don't think I've given up on theater. I will still try out for the plays, I just won't make them my life. I'm much happier in this direction and who knows where it will go? Maybe this time I'll be happier. maybe this time I'll have more fun. Maybe this time I'll win.