reflection

I've been going over in my head lately what I want. I've been kicked out of a school, been in numerous unhealthy online and real life relationships, had a miserable two semesters at community college, but I've been accepted to Western Oregon University and will be heading off soon. It looks like I'm going to have the fresh start that I've worked long and hard to achieve. The question remains, who is this person going to western in 3 weeks? I pretended to be someone else all of high school, then tried to be myself, and failed miserably do to the fact that I still had no idea who myself was. I've been shopping for clothes lately and have yet to purchase a single garment. I don't know what any of these clothes say about me. In the past I would use clothes as a security blanket, but I can't be who I really am and still hide behind black shirts with logos from, Avenue Q, Wicked, Sweeney Todd, ect. Later today, I was about to take a shower I was exhausted so I was doing everything in slow-mo, including looking at my reflection. I stared long and hard and realized, I really do have a blank slate. This is not the face of a fag, an expelled student, a sex addict, a failure, a lost cause! This is simply the face of me, and from here on I decided what this face says to the world.